Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy—I knew I'd have trouble finding a job after tasting the "sweet" neet life. Spending a good 5 months doing nothing but destroying my liver and lungs while being a shut in because of a school suspension contributed a lot to my social anxiety and lack of confidence. I knew I had no hope of finding a job I'd be proud of with my gpa and yet my pride wouldn't let me go into unskilled labor work. However the ensuing relapse back into neetdom made realize I really didn't want to feel the same way as that time ever again, so I went ahead and accepted a low paying job building pcbs. It was tough work learning something completely different than what I had studied, and often times I'd regret over why I ever bothered attending college if this was my fate. But after a while, I got promoted into a managerial position where I no longer had to sniff lead every day. Getting paid feels good, even if the work can be menial. Every time I think about how much work sucks, how the commute sucks, how the pay sucks, I recall the time I spent as a hikki and suddenly everything doesn't suck as much. Living life with no purpose or goals in mind is one of the worst feelings I've ever had to endure, but it's made me somewhat stronger mentally at least. I can appreciate the smaller things in life again like going outside, and interacting with other humans. Having a paycheck to my name and a "good work" from my boss does wonders to my self esteem, even if the amount isn't as much as I hoped for or even if my boss doesn't really give a fuck about me. If anything, getting a job has made me want to get a better job—one where I can test my limits again because I'm not as afraid of failure as I was before.
But one thing I will complain about is the lingering feeling of lack of quality fun time. Playing LoL after work is a terrible experience. I don't have the time to watch as much anime as I used to nor do I find myself interested in as many as I used to. Drinking nice beer and enjoying tobacco feels like a waste of money so I've pretty much quit both save for special occasions. It's hard to think about what I should do for quality recreation so I usually just end up doing nothing over the weekends until it's Sunday night and I'm thinking how fast time flies. However on this particular Sunday I remembered I had this blog so I decided to post on it again. Maybe I'll start writing regularly to entertain myself until I grow tired of it.
じゃあまた
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