After taking a few days off work because I didn't want to risk getting a dry socket and spitting blood everywhere, I remember how truly great it is to wake up and realize you have 0 obligations for the moment. Neetdom used to be my dream in college—maybe it still is. I fantasize about being neet without regrets but I know just how unrealistic that dream is. My morals and values instilled into me by my parents and society are just too overwhelming that I just can't seem to drop everything and say fuck it. I still care about finding a better job, finding a girlfriend, establishing my own household and devoting myself to it. But then sometimes I just want to crawl back in my hole and numb myself with substances.
I feel like an inanimate being in Dream of the Red Chamber that wishes to experience the passion borne only in mortals. However upon realizing that mortal passion only gives birth to suffering, I want to revert back to a piece of rock. It's actually really selfish now that I think about it, running away from all your responsibilities. My dream is to be a selfish asshole... I think just haven't suffered enough. That's why I still care about stupid shit like what's going to happen on the next episode of an anime, or being jealous of how much someone else makes. If I truly had suffered enough to want to escape everything, then I would no longer be in this world.
Ok that's enough rambling for a Monday night.
tldr: weekends and breaks makes me wish I was a neet again, but being a neet is sad so I should stop thinking like that.
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